Why I stopped youtubbing and blogging.

I was texting a fellow friend/makeup guru today and she had asked me why I stopped doing youtube videos. Talking to her about it today made me feel ready about talking to all of you about it, too. Over a month ago I posted a skincare video in which I was given compensation for. I got an e-mail from this company asking if I'd like to try out their products and they would be paying me to make the video- there was nothing in the e-mail saying I must give a "good" review. Before I had gotten the products in the mail my husband asked me "but, what if you don't like the products... what are you going to do?" I said to him "If I don't like them, if they break me out, if they don't work then I will send them back. I won't give a false review. I can't. I've been honest all along and I'm not going to lie." It so happened that I really did like the products. I was happy for that. The fun part about being apart of youtube is I do get to try out many, many, many different things. So, if I try out a skincare line one month and then another 2 months later that didn't mean I didn't like the other products. I love trying things and then telling women whats out there and what they do so you can make up your mind, do more research and see if this is something that would be something you'd like. I'm not trying to sell anyone anything. The cool thing about getting free products is I do get the chance to try things I wouldn't have thought I'd like or even get the chance otherwise. We get to try them out and give you the facts. I'd say most of us don't have millions of dollars to try out every products on the market for you so getting things sent to us is a cool way to be able to show you different things out there... it's not a pushing products thing... at least it's not for me. 


So, what happened and pushed me over the edge. It had been weeks and weeks after I had received the skincare products. I was unable to put up the video because my computer was broken and in the shop. I filmed the video about 8 times because I kept messing up on trying to say "PhytoCellTec Malus Domestica". At that point I was getting stressed out and just wanted to get this video out. So, I quickly put it up saying without thinking in my disclaimer "I was sent these products for free". Done. Closed my computer... video up. I was called out about being paid and lying about it and giving a "fake review". As soon as I noticed my fatal mistake I changed the disclaimer. It had nothing about "being called out". It was a honest mistake without thinking. If I was lying... do you think I would have been so quick to honestly change it? No, I would have went along with "my lie". People who are lying aren't going to give in that easy... they are going to play it out and go along with their lie. When I put up my disclaimer I wasn't thinking too much into it. I wasn't thinking "how can I fool these people". It was not my intent for people to feel deceived or lied to. I'm wholeheartedly sorry if you felt that I was. 


A lot of people called me a hypocrite because I was very vocal about paid videos in the past. I still hold true to the paid videos I am against and I still have those feelings. The paid videos I am not for are the ones that really have nothing to do with beauty (ie: toothpaste, deodorant, tongue scrappers). Those are the ones that I was talking about on twitter and would be so annoyed. I don't want to watch a video (paid no less) on deodorant.. and either do you. Those are pointless and greedy videos. This was my first and only video I was paid to do. If someone came to you and said "Hey, we will send you all the beauty products from our line and pay you for you time.".... would you just say "uh yea.. no thanks". Most of you wouldn't. I let their e-mail sit for a least 5 days before I said yes. At first I was not interested... even if money was involved. I started reading about their products and watched a few reviews and the products sounded interesting. So, I said yes... I would try them. 


I have never given a false review. Ever. Some videos may come across that way because sometimes I do get overly positive (and I've been overly negative at times) about products... when I like something I get excited and think it's the greatest thing on the earth and I want everyone to know about it. I'm the same way with people in my personal life... practicably putting it on their face without them expecting it because I so want them to love it to and get it excited about it like I am... I want them to see the gem I've found... just like I do for your girls. Not that I expect you to buy it... I just want you to listen to how great I think it is because I want other people to be excited with me and find something that might change their life or make them feel beautiful. 


So, back to why I quit... I'm sure writing a novel here. The hate I got from making one little mistake was sick. I was called every name in the book. I was told to die. I had people twittering about me saying to flag my video for child abuse and thumbs it down. Make her pay, kill her, make her die, she's will be done, she's a c*unt, she's a ugly dumb bi*ch. That's just evil. I think I am a nice person  who really wouldn't wanna hurt anyone or make anyone sad or upset. So, knowing I really hurt peoples feelings really does make me sad but I have feelings too and I do have a heart too. The things said about me, my morals, my family, my face/body and life was crossing the line and was not something I needed in my life and mind. 


I started making videos to talk about beauty.. a place where you'd think women would uplift each other and help each other but it has turned into a ugly, ugly place. A place where I don't think I wanna be anymore. 
I still plan on making a video about this because not everyone reads my blog... but will start blogging again... in time. 


I'm very sorry if I disappointed anyone but it was really not my intent and it was not my intent for anyone to feel lied to...it was a dumb mindless mistake and I was smashed into the ground for it.


Much love,
Sarah