Weighing On My Mind

Maybe its the emergence of the sun and summer months, but recently weight has become a major issue for me. Before now, I'd never really paid attention to calories and fat intake, but over the last while it has become somewhat of an obsession for me. Despite my friends and family's protests that I haven't put on any weight, honestly, I feel a bit shit. And in one way, I know they're right.

Weight has never been a big issue for me, while I do sometimes fluctuate, in reality I've probably never been heavier than a size ten. Small, right? I've probably only put on a few pounds, yet to me, I seem massive. All my clothes still fit, and I can even order size 6 in some things, so whats my problem?

To be honest, I don't know. I just don't feel right. And don't get me wrong, I eat. A good amount. Three meals a day plus snacks. Its the groggy, always full feeling that upsets me. I feel guilty when I'm hungry. In fact, I feel guilty eating. I worry that I will keep putting on weight. While I may have only put on a few pounds, I only have one niggling negative that I think about. My stomach. Were it toned I would be happy. But its lost that, and I feel massive compared to everyone else. And I know its crazy, but I can't help it. And seeing beautiful women in magazines doesn't help. No matter what we say, they do affect us.

After asking around a few of the girls, almost all of them have some problem to do with their bodies, be it wanting to be thinner, have longer legs, to be more toned or to look radiant all the time. So at least I'm not alone in this quest to perfection. But why are we like this? Surely we should realise that everyone looks different. It seems that all men want is to put weight on, while all women want to lose it. Why? Are we happier in the long run because we've lost a few pounds? Or do we just feel happy in the moment and then shove a muffin into our faces?

And why are we never happy? While my weight hasn't changed much, its made me feel a bit down about myself. If a friend came to me with this problem, I wouldn't see a difference in them. Yet I'm being hard on myself, which is a problem universal with women. Maybe instead of focussing on weight, we should focus on what we eat. Its so easy to order pizza or chinese, but usually we feel crap after it. So from now on I;m going to try to eat healthly, as as much as I want without feeling guilty. What we need to realise is that slip-ups are okay whether it be chocolate, takeaways or drink. I just need to realise this too.

Food for thought?